A preconceived idea of life

Do you know what’s a complete clusterfuck?

The image you have in your head of how it’s meant to be, your expectation vs the reality.

These ridiculous assumptions you place on yourself. “if I make enough money” “if I meet the right person” etc.

This constant goal to achieve that’ll (hopefully) grant you access to holy grail of happiness. “if I buy the house” “if I get married” It’s actually bullshit and the sooner people realise, the sooner you can actually start finding the real happiness in life.

I, personally, for the last six years, have chased dreams, have chased people, have chased and set these stupid achievements that I thought would bring me happiness, because I thought that's what I was suppose to-do. I was supposed to settle down, supposed to save for the house, that white picket fence dream. But, if anything these only left me feeling the complete opposite. I was left feeling highly inadequate, constantly torn between feeling second rate but then to only increase these dreams to counter act the whole silly façade.

Though,I have learnt from this! I've learnt that these dreams, that truly aren’t mine, are not something I am interested in chasing anymore, that what other people may perceive as achievements, I may not, and that's ok too. I've learnt that my happiness is crucial, and if that means writing these blogs, dancing in the rain, swimming naked in hidden rivers, or blasting music and driving without a destination in mind, that that's what I should do. That although people have and will make comments, may not understand, and certainly don't deserve an explanation, they'll continue to question, continue to give advice and generally not accept all my actions. But the more I realise that I am genuinely happy, that I am now ensuring I am true to myself, the easier it is to simply smile, thank them for their insight and continue with my life. After all in the end, I am the one who will look back, not them. I will be the one either feeling joy or a haze constant ‘what If’s’, and I can tell you now, that even in the last six years, all those what if moments still weigh far too heavily on my mind, and I certainly am not prepared for a further 50+ years of that.

So, the promise to myself, to always look forward and be the me

I wish to, not the one someone else may perceive is correct. And if you are to take anything from this, I hope you too, will be true to yourself.

xEx