An internal monologue of an overthinking people pleaser

11:00pm C’mon brain…. SWITCH OFF - Sleep, sleep would be nice! But for funnzies, lets run over a montage of all cringe worthy moments of our life and how we could have possibly bettered the outcome (like why did I think a RaRa skirt and ugg boots was ever an acceptable look in 2003

7:00am Oh a good morning text. That’s sweet! I should say it back? Oh but what if he’s busy then he’ll feel like he has to write back. What if he was already doing something and I interrupt. Hm ok just say ‘morning’ then he doesn’t have to reply unless he want’s too… but I hope he also slept ok, so I’ll just say ‘morning. Hope you slept ok. Have a good day’ ok send & leave it *Stop thinking, stop thinking*

7:30am time to work & kick some goals. Start the day off with some cruisey emails. Is this too harsh? I can’t add a smile in a work email, but what if they detect tone? Let’s read it 50 more times to ensure it sounds ok… oh no now they’re calling. What do I say? What if I’m not prepared for their questions? I haven’t prep’d a script for how this conversation should go yet!

11:45am Goodness I’m getting hungry, what do I feel like? What will I have later? I should probably eat healthy… but pasta sounds delicious. Maybe I should ask the team if they want anything and buy some cookies, those boys love cookies.

1:00pm Still hungry. Should really eat.

1:45pm Stuff this. Goes to café & orders food “do you want sugar in your coffee?” “no, no I’m sweet enough ha ha ha” *CRINGE* why do I always say that, that is so lame! God she probably thinks I’m an idiot. Try and make eye contact, smile and look apologetic… wait how do I look when I pull this face and for the love of Christ is that guy looking at me weirdly?

2:15: Man I need to use the bathroom, I can’t see them anywhere? I should just ask, I really should. Actually codswallop, I’ve got this, ok stand up and just walk over to that, is that a door? Please don’t go into the kitchen…. Oh and the waitress is looking at me, and that guys staring again….. ABORT MISSION!

3:00pm oh another text! “see you later?” see me later when? Like today later or like see you later, at another time that will be confirmed at a later date? (seeks clarification) “ hey, glad you’re having a good day! Sorry – do you mean tonight?” god he probably thinks I don’t have a life, ok stay calm… I said sorry so that’s ok, he knows I’m sorry to ask, doesn’t he? Oh good no! he probably doesn’t maybe he thinks that I meant it like a bitchy sorry, not a sorry sorry. Ok send another just saying sorry with a smiley face?

4:30pm (receives lengthy message from close friend re life crisis) ok babe, we’ll tackle this – write advice the length of war and peace, outlining every possible outcome! God I hope I didn’t upset her, was I too harsh?

6:15pm (friend is 15 minutes late) I’m sure we confirmed today? (checks texts over and over again) yes definitely! Thursday at 6pm. Today is Thursday? (checks calendar) ok, so now this is closer to 20 minutes late, is this the right bar? Should I call? What if he forgot? Man I look like an idiot here by myself – should I look around for him? Maybe he’s at a different table?

6:25pm oh thank the lord he’s arrived. Yes everyone it’s ok! Stop staring! He’s arrived. Everyone go back to their respective beverages. We can all breathe easy again.