-Lost but not quite ready to be found-

Deep huh…

Well, look I don’t actually think it’s as earth shattering as I’m stating above. But, I do want to strike a chord.

I have, for as long as I can remember, felt like a square peg in a round whole.

Perfect example; I have, ALWAYS, adored music. When I listen to music, it takes me places, it makes me feel things and I can relate. Not to say I don’t enjoy a good pop song, with the repetitive beats, uber catchy lyrics and well you can shake ya groove thang, what’s there not too love?!

But generally speaking, I enjoy listening to more moving sort of tunes, that emanate throughout my soul. *ohh soo deep*

However, during school, I remember showing my ‘train gang’ (yes, I was that cool) INXS – Never tear us apart. And having a carriage full of teenage girls roll their eyes and not even let me get past the chorus…. Clearly, they didn’t hear it right, let me play it again, and really listen this time! All that feeling!!

But no, they did, *sigh* they just wanted to hear SOS by Rhianna and so sick by Ne-Yo. (2006 wasn’t a good year for the music industry).

That moment though, changed me for a while. I’m not sure if it was the teenage angst of wanting to be liked and to fit in, or what, but then & there I decided that I needed to lose the good old Classics of Fleetwood Mac, Bruce Springsteen and any other AH-MAZ-ING artist on my super cool pink chocolate phone, and have them replaced by baggy jean wearing, gold chain slinging, pimp lookin’ ‘rappers’ with their arms around scantily clad women who all had been auto tuned within an inch of their lives. This in turn also changed my persona, I realized that the way I felt about music, was also the way I felt about books, poetry, art and even people. I cared. I felt and formed connections that weren’t superficial and affected me to my core. Prior – I could spend hours debating with my English teachers about violence in the media, discuss the environmental impact that erosion was having with my Geography teachers and I could lose myself in the dance room trying to choreograph the perfect piece to show how it made me feel.

Clearly this me wasn’t exactly “cool” and had to go – and I hate to admit that until two years ago, I still, in one way or another hid parts of me because of this.

Funnily enough though, after all that, I discovered that I am indeed, weird. I am in fact not even a square peg, but some sort of magical unicorn shape, that no matter what parts I may try to cut away – I will never ever fit into the ‘round hole’ category, and you know what? That’s ok.

I am a loud, somewhat crazy, charismatic, loving individual who has no problems dancing through K-mart at 11pm, who will walk into work singing and dancing to the Pina colada song and who if is needed, will be there for the ones she loves in a heartbeat, but she will not be afraid to be who she really is anymore. I have now come back in full swinging style, rocking hair styles that would make even the most rebellious 80’s gal blush – wearing what I want, when I want and slowly but surely being 100% happy with who I am and I hope if you have ever felt like this, that you know it’s ok to be that unique Mermaid, Unicorn or whatever magnificent creature you are, and although I know I don’t fit in, leaving me sometimes a little lost in my approach to situations, I’m not ready to conform and lose me again, and I hope I’m here to stay.

Elletheconquer #ellieforhonesty #Elliesims